Becoming a Mom - the best job in life.

If you know me, you know I love babies! I have been obsessed with them for as long as I can remember. After church services you never saw me without a baby in my arms or on my hip. The first time I babysat a tiny baby on my own I was 15 and the baby was 3 months old. She screamed the whole time (I am guessing because of tummy issues) and 15 minutes before her mom came back, I finally bounced her to sleep. I will never forget that day, but it didn't stop me from wanting a baby of my own. I always longed for and wondered about the day I would have my own baby and what the baby would look like and be like. More importantly, I had always wanted a little girl I could name Natalie Ann. I would doodle her name in school on my paper and pray that God would one day bless me with a Natalie if it was in His will. Didn't matter who I married I was going to name my first daughter Natalie! (Ha, glad I found Jacob who loved the name as much as me.) And then it happened. On November 22, 2011, for the first time I held a baby in my arms that was mine, one that I would get to keep, no "giving back" to the parents at the end of the day, and when she cried or fussed, I was the one who would get to take care of her. She wanted ME. I was her Mama and she was all mine!

Picture was taken on the iPad by my dad, 2 days old. LOVE IT.

It was so surreal, I can remember exactly how I felt the first time I saw her. It was quite funny because I would have never dreamed I would have felt the way I did. It was different than I thought it was going to be. I don't think I have ever told anyone about this, yet. After she got all cleaned up, checked out and was wrapped up as a perfect bundle of joy, they gave her to me to hold. As I looked down on her sleeping peacefully, so tiny and fragile, so innocent and perfect, so beautiful, I couldn't help but have this funny feeling about her. It wasn't that I didn't love her, but I think I was so overwhelmed with everything that had just happened that I didn't feel like she was mine. I kept looking down on her and telling myself over and over, "this is your baby, she is ours, she is coming home with us. This is what my little Natalie Ann looks like after all the years of dreaming about her." I remember how strange I felt that I didn't really want to kiss her right at the moment either. It just felt too weird. Most people tend to kiss babies, any baby, doesn't matter who it's just the thing to do because babies are so kissable! Every now and then I would maybe kiss a baby I knew really well, but to me I just felt like it's not my baby to be kissing on, being all up in their face and so on. It just felt funny to me. (weird I know) But this is how I was feeling about Natalie, it's like I had to let it sink in that she was mine that I could kiss her! She wasn't what I pictured she would be like, her perfectness was hard for me to grasp. (After seeing those 4D pictures of her I thought she looked different than I was expecting, but NOT in a bad way.) Of course all those feelings didn't last for long, in just a short time I was loving on her, kissing her, taking pictures of her, (shocker, haha) and staring at her... that is until my exhaustion kicked in. ;) Haha! But from that moment on, my life was changed forever.

Love those kissable lips!

Already doing those eyebrows

Always alert

First smile at 1 wk old and I captured it on camera!

Nothing can really prepare you for motherhood, but I am thankful for the training I did have growing up. I know many people thought that we were too young to begin this chapter in our lives and that we started too soon (only having been married 8 months) but even though it did come as a little surprise to us too, I always felt confident. God had a plan for us. And I felt comfortable enough to say with my experience as being a Nanny that I was ready. I also learned a lot from my mom and dad's parenting skills and examples they set for me growing up and that helped me set my ways on how I wanted to raise my kids even before marriage. I am by no means perfect, and I continue to learn each and every day. I learned things just as any first time Mom would with having a baby, but I am glad (and Jacob tells me HE is glad) that I had an idea of what we were getting into, seeing as Jacob had never changed a diaper before Natalie. (So you get what I'm saying, lol.) 

I have felt guilty many of times on what choices were best for Natalie, such as breast feeding or bottle feeding, vaccines or no vaccines, homemade baby food, or store bought baby food, etc. And it's stressful sometimes to feel like, should I choose this because that's what people are saying to do, or if I don't do this will I feel like a "bad mom"? I thought over things and did my research with some, but in the end I felt confident with my choices I've made with Natalie through out this past year and a half. I was sad I could only breastfeed for a month, but she did great on formula and it was very convenient! She is healthy and happy and that means I did my part. She is growing like a weed and she is super smart! She's a toddler, and I'm not going to be stressing so much on the little things that she can't enjoy being a toddler and I can't enjoy it either. (But I have yet to overcome my germaphobia, Ha!) I am not saying everything I chose for her was perfect, but it worked out. I try not to let myself feel down when I feel like I haven't made the "best choice" possible for Natalie because there isn't any right or best way when it comes to her physical health. What might be "right" for someone else might not be right for us. I do what I feel is best for her and if it works for us then that makes me a happy Mommy. I hope with the mistakes I have made will help me be better prepared for round 2 if/when (Lord willing) God blesses us with another.

For those who have thought we were crazy to bring a child into our lives when we did, I can only hope and pray that we raise her the way God would have us to, and through time and example we can show every one that we weren't perfect, we didn't know everything, but we loved her, learned as we went, and did the very best we could. I like to look at it as, if the Lord blesses us with a long and fruitful life, that we will be YOUNG grandparents one day, thanks to Natalie Ann! :) 

There's nothing else I'd rather be than a mom.